Lately...Its been as if its always something. Whether my tooth is getting chipped and I have to pay some jerk to torture me and pull it out, or I have a red flaming rash on my chest and I have to take benadryl and steroids and advil for the pain and the spreading and the itching, or I'm falling into depression and confusion over what the next step is in my life. If it's not something, its something else. I'm not complaining, just stating facts. Something is always happening. I guess I would be complaining if nothing was happening. Never satisfied, silly Desi.
To get to the point, instead of dancing around like I like to do, I think I might be having anxiety attacks here and there throughout my days. Moments when the doubt and the fear gets at me so heavy that I just want to cry and run away from it all. I took a harder look at it today as I was making dinner. Well, I tried to make dinner, went down to the kitchen and looked about and I couldn't make a choice. Had to call my mother down stairs to help make a choice for me cause I was afraid that I would disappoint everyone with a dinner that wouldn't taste good. Then I was making the food that we finally decided on (spaghetti and mixed vegetables and salad and brownies for Mandy's birthday) I couldn't stop shaking the whole time I was cooking. Everything that I did, I doubted each step. When I put something in I would automatically think it was wrong or that it wouldn't taste good. Even after it was all fixed I still found each little strange taste to worry about.
It had happened again when I was driving earlier today. I know I'm new to driving and I'm still trying to get the hang of it (which is ridiculous for a almost twenty-five year old(but I don't have to remind myself of that because everyone else does it for me(wasn't planning on forgetting anyway...))), but I still get super self conscious of it all when I'm behind the wheel. I'm worried about the guy behind me, in front of me, next to me, and the people in the car with me. Mel said I was doing just fine, that I just need more practice on the road with other cars. Mel hates it when I get like this. When I doubt my self or get all depressed. Whatever...can't just will it away.
Its always something with me. If there were nothing...I'd complain. Such a silly Desiloo.
Song: Sympathy by Goo Goo Dolls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooygo1cmtag
He knows I hate it when he puts one arm out...
he does it anyway....
jerk kitty.....
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
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