Keep on Keepin on

I never expect things to work out, but then when they do I'm awesomely surprised and most of the time I forget to thank God or even recognize his hand in things. Today, I had my interview and I didn't exactly have a ton of confidence going in and thankfully I had my friend Brittany there with me so the stress wasn't too bad, but I was still quite scared.
Luckily there was nothing to be scared of! God really worked this one through and now I have a job! 

I've been feeling like this all day since I found out. They said they would call to confirm that I got the job on Monday but they called today instead! I'm so excited and I know that this has truly been a blessing. Also I was told that I could start on my CNA training as soon as I wanted but there is a six month wait period before I can move on to the next job, which is totally fine. 

So, to make a list of all the things I want to do when I start saving up money! 
1. Go to OtaCon in Maryland with Casey
2. Go either to Alabama/England to visit J&J 
3. Go to Washington and Oregon to visit more people I love! 
4. Go to Florida during the winters to visit Tati&Simon and the Mercills! 
5. Buy a freaking playstation 3/butt load of fabrics/sewing machine/ironing board and tiny iron/crap loads of yarn/and chocolate from The Chocolate Garden (to DIE for chocolate there...)

I will remember tithe and try to find a charity to give to and I hope I can do work in different areas. I do plan/hope to stay with this job for quite some time. Probably even after the six month period. This just might be what I need at the moment. So now, upward and onward. Many plans that only serve to make God laugh, and yet they still get made. Gotta plan. Gotta dream. Dreaming is so important and its been a long time since I've felt purpose or hope. Dreams are born from hope, born from the promise of a future. 

This message is brought to you by gifs of Tina Fey. Cause she, at one time, was who I wanted to grow up to be like and she is hilarious. 

Song: After the Storm by Mumford and Sons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqUsAHTUPTU

Not so absent

Sooo, I haven't been posting in a while. Doesn't mean I haven't been blogging, just haven't been posting. I would like to have more happy post and less post that I write when its cloudy outside or I've just had a bad day. Yay happy thoughts!! Gotta stop on those ANTS(automatic negative thoughts)! Right, so I have some good news and some whatever news and then some funny pictures mixed in along with that. 

Good news! I have an interview tomorrow. Well, I had an interview on Tuesday but that was only over the phone and I didn't really expect to hear back so soon but I am going to have another interview tomorrow so I am very excited! Its just a kitchen job and I wouldn't, hopefully, be there too long. The hospital allows people who are already working there to take CNA training through them so I'm hoping that I can do that soon and become a CNA which is basically a babysitter for old people. Not saying that this is my plan for life but I don't mind the idea of it being my plan for quite some time. It would surely fund my crafty needs. 

Desi with a job, that is something to celebrate...WITH A GIF!! I've fallen in love with gifs...

So very much what I feel about the aspect of me getting a job. Jus watching it makes me happy lol. 

Right! On to whatever news! We have a new diet coming in the house soon. This, and the interview, are things that we defiantly need prayer for cause we are bad at sticking to things in this house! It will be a mostly fresh foods diet with lots of veggies and fruits and no more processed yummies. Oh how I will miss the processed yum yums. It'll be for the best though, we need to change the way we eat. So this will be good. 

Also! My birthingday is coming up in seven days!! 

I look forward to cake and ice cream and orange chicken! These are the happy things that happen in summer. Man I love these gifs! I should just look at gifs when ever I want to be happy! 
Speaking of being happy, I downloaded the Ellen G White app for my phone and I was very sad to find out that it will not read to me! Gotta read all that...myself...Its nothing like my bible app that tells me wonderful stories. 

I think I've rambled on enough, very hopeful for this job interview and I plan on posting more happy things soon. Maybe soon I will have enough money to visit my friends in far off places! Cause I miss them all very much and I wish to do the following things to them on sight!

In that order!

Song: Midnight City by M83

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX3k_QDnzHE

Don't crack your knuckles

There are many things I shouldn't do, but I still do them out of habit or want overriding need and survival. All the time I'll say "I'm never eating that again" or "I'm gonna start working out soon!". Then I turn around and eat a jar of nutella and I can't stop craving a pizza hut pizone to save my life. Well, things have to change...probably the fifth time I've said that here on this blog, but now it seems pretty serious. 

You know how they always say that its never lupus on that show House? Well this time it might be lupus, which at first was really funny but now its kinda scary. Got a call from my doctor today about the results of some blood work I got done. Seems I'm anemic and pointers are showing possibility for lupus but she wants more test done. I'm trying not to worry about it...at least its not cancer, like my sad cat. Oh yeah, Miko might have cancer, so that's fun. 

Is it wrong to want God to move me around like a puppet? Just to want to keep it simple and not want to be involved in the plan that he has for me? 

 Apparently, I don't process information very well...I guess that could be true. I tend to laugh about an issue for a while before taking it seriously. I'm kinda scared now... this is a bit serious, linked to my diet as well. Might have to give up on meat, that is truly scary.

I guess...it'll all work out. Just going to have to change my habits up a bit and be more serious about things. Maybe it will turn out that I don't have lupus and that the doctor read the test wrong. Maybe I'm just plagued with bad joints. It could be anything....right?

Song: World at large by Modest Mouse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E68DYqo2m2M

Blame Game

My expectations never align with reality. I'm sure that's a pretty common issue...

In a family when something goes wrong, the first step is to find out the source and right the wrong. In other words, point the finger and tell them to fix themselves or remove themselves from the equation. I'm pretty sure it's cause of the anxiety, but when something goes wrong in my family I always blame myself.

Now this is no pity party, just an observation. In the most recent explosion in my household, things could have been better if I had simply grown up and spent my money more effectively and didn't allow myself to be the baby in the family. Basically, if I had simply been more independent, everyone would have been happier.

I'll be twenty-five soon and I don't know how to do anything, it's really pathetic. I am in no way ready for any semblance of the real world at all. Worst of all I don't want things to change. I'm comfortable in my dependency. Having everything handed to me. But it has to stop...because it is effecting others and that's not okay. I don't know how I'll do it or if it will be done right, knowing me it won't, but it needs to be done. I need to grow up.

Song: Lives by modest mouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcpd2ojWS8U

Another Something to call Nothing

Lately...Its been as if its always something. Whether my tooth is getting chipped and I have to pay some jerk to torture me and pull it out, or I have a red flaming rash on my chest and I have to take benadryl and steroids and advil for the pain and the spreading and the itching, or I'm falling into depression and confusion over what the next step is in my life. If it's not something, its something else. I'm not complaining, just stating facts. Something is always happening. I guess I would be complaining if nothing was happening. Never satisfied, silly Desi. 

To get to the point, instead of dancing around like I like to do, I think I might be having anxiety attacks here and there throughout my days. Moments when the doubt and the fear gets at me so heavy that I just want to cry and run away from it all. I took a harder look at it today as I was making dinner. Well, I tried to make dinner, went down to the kitchen and looked about and I couldn't make a choice. Had to call my mother down stairs to help make a choice for me cause I was afraid that I would disappoint everyone with a dinner that wouldn't taste good. Then I was making the food that we finally decided on (spaghetti and mixed vegetables and salad and brownies for Mandy's birthday) I couldn't stop shaking the whole time I was cooking. Everything that I did, I doubted each step. When I put something in I would automatically think it was wrong or that it wouldn't taste good. Even after it was all fixed I still found each little strange taste to worry about. 

It had happened again when I was driving earlier today. I know I'm new to driving and I'm still trying to get the hang of it (which is ridiculous for a almost twenty-five year old(but I don't have to remind myself of that because everyone else does it for me(wasn't planning on forgetting anyway...))), but I still get super self conscious of it all when I'm behind the wheel. I'm worried about the guy behind me, in front of me, next to me, and the people in the car with me. Mel said I was doing just fine, that I just need more practice on the road with other cars. Mel hates it when I get like this. When I doubt my self or get all depressed. Whatever...can't just will it away. 

Its always something with me. If there were nothing...I'd complain. Such a silly Desiloo. 

Song: Sympathy by Goo Goo Dolls 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooygo1cmtag

He knows I hate it when he puts one arm out...

he does it anyway....

jerk kitty.....

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.