I was thinking back on how I always viewed God, before everything got all complicated in my head brain. Back then I always saw him as just there, dealing out blessings where he saw fit and that was it. Not much of my view of him changed over the years, even after my baptism. Laying here I remembered that God is just everything. He is love and wrath, laughter and a stern hand, kindness and sadness, plague and overflowing blessings, he is purity and all knowing and forgiving and never forgetting. God is holy and he deserves praise and adoring love and respect. Complete respect, I have always loved God but I never truly respected God.
For years I would always write the word God with a lower case g, my mother would always correct me and I never saw it as a big deal. Its so crazy that you can love someone and not respect them. That is an incomplete love, I want to respect God and love him fully. That is my prayer now, to learn to respect God and love him with care for who he is and always will be. I know his love for me will never go away even if I slip up and fail him routinely. His love never changes, even as I stress myself over small things till I induce an early period and my hair starts to fall out (its been a crazy few weeks), he is still there.
I don't have to fear storms anymore. They are there for a reason, to draw me closer to God, to encourage me to lean on him and not my comforts. Even if this is just a glimpse of clarity in my many storms, I will cling to it and learn from it and I will praise him for it. This post is not whining, this is a praise.
Songs: I will praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns
Jesus paid it all by Fernando Ortaega
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