Gotta Push On

Today I went out with my sister and our friend Jodi and we went around shopping and what not. We laughed, we sang, we got tired and went home. Somewhere towards the end we went out for food. My sister and Jodi had a healthy sub burrito like thingy, I had arbys.... for the rest of the ride home I was thinking about how much of a bad idea that was.

I knew that I shouldn't have had eaten it and I knew that it would be bad for me but I still ate it. I bit into that mozzarella stick and had the grease splat on my face and I was grossed out and still I ate it. I'm very sad about this because earlier today while getting a gift for my mom with my sister I had eaten some subway and I felt good. Then all I wanted the rest of the day was a cookie, instead I ate arbys... I still haven't had my cookie... I still want my cookie but all I shall have the rest of this night is water.

This whole past month I have done really well with my weight and what I eat and then today I had a big slip up and I am feeling like beating myself up for it. But I won't. I will just vent right now and get it out of my system. uuuuuuhhhhhhggg!!!!! I did so well last month! I lost 14 pounds in a month and I am very proud of that! Then I go and eat an arbys.... grrrr!!! I'm gonna go drink some water. Then tomorrow morning I'm gonna work out a whole bunch! A BUNCH!! I think I will do my workout routine twice just to make it stick!

At least I was able to spend most of the day laughing. yeah....its good to end on a high note.

Song: No Skin Off My A** by Brendon Small

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA3_0FeNSPk

Rainbows and Spiderspit

Last night while I was laying in bed, with a head ache and a 101.5 fever, from 10:30 till 3:00 am I had a lot of time to think. A lot of time to try and not think, and a lot of time to force myself to think of other things.

I have come to the conclusion that thinking is not good. At least it is not good whilst sick. The human body is a strange thing. I don't know what was going through God's head when he made it but I guess he had the right idea until sin spat up on it.

So while I am under house arrest for being sick, a crime which is punishable by death, I wonder the house with a cover wrapped around me with a stomach full of toast and orange juice. I have loads of time to think about how I feel because that is all people ask me. I have a permanent answer for that question now! I feel unsettled. There. We are gonna take that and we are gonna put a little pin in it. And we are gonna leave it up there until I once again feel settled!

Hopefully I shall be able to go to work tomorrow and I will not have to worry about this unsettledness anymore! Get some good younger toddlers germs in me and get this ball rolling. I'm feeling sleepy again so I am gonna go lay back down with my mama! Cause mama cures all!

Song : Goodnight by Evanescence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArBiDmGbH4E

Will This Day Ever End?!

I don't know why but today is lasting soo long!! It looks so gray and gloomy outside from what I can see, but its only 4:30!

I just want tomorrow to come, and the next day and the next day! I feel like crying and I don't know why. I can't bring myself to knit. Reading sappy manga isn't doing the trick...

This is my whiny blog and I am gonna whine!!! Waaaaaah!!! Mega gonk... God help me...I feel so strange and on edge... Maybe I need a nap...

Song: Sally's Song by Amy Lee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5_ks-dhCtU

Mega Gonk

Like a Plant Growing in Space

That title. That is how I feel right now. I am being taken care of and I am growing but my roots don't know whether to go up or down and I'm growing all funny.

Growing up as the youngest I was always able to see what my brother and sister were doing that was wrong and I always promised myself that I would never ever do said things. Recently I find myself in my sisters shoes from about four years ago. When my sister wanted to move out and get her own place. I love my mom and my sister but I can't live like this anymore!

Not only do the boxes everywhere make it hard to breathe but I don't even have my own room. When my sister is away at college I still have that eye sore of a queen size bed in the sleeping quarters and I just feel like there is nothing of my own in this house. Except for my knitting. No body but me touches that in this house.

I just keep daydreaming about an apartment of my own with me and my lap top and a bean bag chair. Just listening to my Helen Jane Long station on Pandora radio while I knit. Peace and quiet that I rarely have anymore. I hate to feel like that cause it makes me feel like I don't wanna be around my family anymore and I do, just not when they are arguing or eating or breathing my air.

While trying to get strong roots in God it is hard when you keep getting distracted by everything around you that you want to happen or that you need to happen. On one side I got a call from Hardings today and they want to interview me for a job. On the other side we are about $800 behind on the rent. Then there is those Japanese lessons I really wanna take. And there is the laptop I wanna get but might not get because people at assisted living don't know which gardens are theirs and which aren't (long story). Then at home I share space with two other woman who live on separate ends of the lifestyle world and our daily routines keep clashing.

I guess this is what I kept praying for...I kept praying to God about how I wanted stuff to happen. How peaceful the waters have been and how I want to get started on my life. Well now stuff is happening and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like such a child...

Well....I am still growing and my family and I shall pull through this. I'm sure they are still growing with me.

Song: Asleep Beneath the Moon (part two) by John Fluker

http://www.rhapsody.com/john-fluker/the-sound-of-peace

What I Want

With my sister home for the summer and computer time being cut in half, once again I am faced with the fact that I need a laptop.

When sharing the computer with my mama I am always barking at her about how she isn't using the computer right or how she is downloading too much stuff and it will hinder the computer use for the both of us. Sometimes I think she just downloads random games to spite me.

I almost had a laptop once...I was three hundred away from getting it. I would have had that three hundred after my next pay check. Then a multitude of things happened one on top of the other and everyone in my family knew that I was saving up money to buy a laptop and everyone needed money for more important things. I must admit, I have not gotten over this year old event and I am very bitter but I am working on it.

Sometimes I just can't fathome how I gave away $1100.00 to my family so quickly. I can't even remember half of where it went! But anyway...

Now that Mel (my big sister) is home I am forced to cut my computer time so that she can play catchup with the sims. I am trying to turn over this new christain leaf and not get so mad when she doesn't get off the computer when she says she will but all it goes to show is that I have a terrible addiction and that the computer has a death grip on me. Maybe God is trying to show me something....

So if that is the case then maybe a laptop is not the thing that I need. But man oh man do I want it like no bodies business... sigh... 91 days to go...

Song: Over-rated by Alexz Johnson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EnNNAcRXB4