Read A Book

The Tower of London, that wonderful place of history. It makes me want to read history books which aren't really my thing. Unless its like A Song of Ice and Fire, then history gets pretty interesting. Thinking back on what the tour guide was saying about the history of the Tower of London, its not too different from A Song of Ice and Fire. Murder, incest, cheating, treason, etc.; It's all very interesting. Then there is the crown jewels, I wanted them all. Sadly I couldn't have any nor take pictures of them. 

Right, so I'll start from the beginning. After many days of awesomeness and a fun trip to the mall of wonder(which ended in me acquiring a beautiful jean jacket), we traveled into the land of central London. Just Jodi and I spent the night in a wonderful hotel and traveled to the land of Oxford street, Soho, and Covet street. So I figured out that I shop too much when I have money and clothes around me that fit. 

Five pairs of leggings, three shirts, a cardigan, and two skirts later I found the wonder of souvenirs. When I found the souvenirs, I purchased them. When I purchased them I felt like a proper tourist. It twas awesome. 

So we walked about all over the place. Buckingham Palace, Green park, the queen's garden(where she owns all the swans and has vaccinated them accordingly cause she doesn't like them dying), Horse parade, Tower of London, this very amusing bar called 'The Horniman at Hay's', and of course the underground(which I've become heavily fond of). 

Hilarity ensued when I went to feed a squirrel. It was in the queen's garden. The squirrels were walking about and getting food from everyone. Jodi encouraged me to feed the little beast. So I crouched down and tried to hand the little monster some bread. The first tiny rodent was not interested, then there was the second fiend who was very receptive of yum yums. So much so that the brute touched my hand and then gleefully ate what was a yummy pastry. 

There were some very bold swans and some photobombing tourist and a bunch of very strange floating street performers(including death, a floating death). I love everything about this country, it's so lovely and beautiful and full of lovely statues. The only thing I would every change about this country is the pigeons. Its insane, birds in America just know that their place is in the trees or in the sky(occasionally on the roof tops). Birds here don't understand this simple process of staying where your wings allow you to stay. They walk right up to you and fly all around your face and just all in all get in the way like a butt.

Whatevs, enough about those savages with wings. Although I wouldn't choose to live in this very expensive country, I do adore it. I hope that I can come back one day. Still got about a month of awesomeness before I hop back across the pond to the land of huge portion sizes(I already know what I'm gonna order from taco bell). Next, I go see Stone Henge. Hopefully sometime this week or the next. Also, more trips to London, there are two museums that I want to see. I'm hungry, I want some cookies. These oatmeal raisin cookies are no joke.

 

  

Where I'm From

Growing up I had times of instability. Times when I was uncertain of where food would come from. There were times when we would have our electricity turned off and would have no heat during winter. There were times when we would have only cold water and would have to heat it on the gas stove to take baths. We laugh about it now but the sight of me and my sister cooking marshmallows over a candle in the dark was a very real thing in my childhood. 

In the end, like now in life, we were always so very well taken care of. God would step in in one way or another. People who we had never met before would bring us food. Strangers would give us money that would be exactly what we needed. Loved ones would come in at the right time and take care of us with love and grace. 

Somehow its easy to forget these moments of love and the times when God steps in and takes care of us. Because of my childhood, the fear of instability is crippling for me. Not having a safety net of finances scares me and brings on anxiety which brings on depression which leaves me lacking faith and cursing at God. In the end, He always takes care of me. Very real answers to financial prayers got answered these last few days and I know more trials are to come. These trials might be rough and I might slip in to one of my freak outs but I know that I will be taken care of. 

I've been given such an amazing opportunity to be here in England. The possibility of coming back and going to school here has appeared. I've met so many amazing people and I've seen so many things that I've only ever dreamed of seeing. Tried some amazing Indian food and had the pleasure of trying crumpets with tea. 

Life is amazing and I forget that so easily. I try to remember but with depression its hard to see the end of the storm when you're in it. Luckily I have so many people who love me and who take me aside and remind me of how amazing and wonderful life is. Thank you, everyone in my heart. Thank you for loving me and lifting me up and listening to me whine and all that goodness. 

This picture and the one in the previous entry were taken in the same day, within hours of each other.

The Great Britain Depression; Ralph and Lauren

So. I've been busy. Again. This is Ralph. I really don't like Ralph. Ralph is a Nightingale, I think, maybe. Ralph is really persistent about getting food from you even if you're still eating it.

This is Lauren. I don't like Lauren either. Lauren has one good leg and is very terrifying when he starts flying with his gang of pigeon friends. The pigeons in this country have no fear. Nor do they actually fly away when you're walking by them. Only when you are sitting do they decide to fly all around you. And for those of us, me, who have irrational fears of flying creatures who fly close to your face; this can be a terrifying and uncomfortable thing. Which leads me to screaming and hiding behind my slightly amused and confused friends. 

On another note, why don't the imbalanced enzymes in my brain know that I'm on vacation? I obviously got on a plane and left all my troubles behind physically. Why do they not balance out cause its vacation time?! Its frustrating, not being able to leave my mental illnesses behind and just wholeheartedly enjoy my trip. Not that I'm unhappy to be here. I'm so excited to be in this country. I love being here with my friends and when I'm up and about I'm laughing and smiling. 

Then come the days where I lay in bed till 1:30 pm and I feel horrible about it. I hate putting my friends through this. They shouldn't have to deal with my emotional swings. They shouldn't have to be put in that position. I can't stand that there are days when I just want to sit and watch tv(on my laptop) all day and not move. Makes me feel like I'm wasting this wonderful trip but nothing in my body wants to move at all. I feel guilty and emotional so often and I keep forgetting to take my meds. In the front of my mind I keep thinking "anybody else could do this trip better than you". I don't know. Just another down day. 

Feels like I'm letting everybody down. It sucks.