What to do What to do What to do...

I'm sure by now most people have heard about the new x-men movie that is coming out VERY soon...It is a very exciting movie that I want to see very badly...but! I can't go...My sister wants to go with me, I'm sure she would even pay for the ticket...but! I can't go...I am a huge fan of x-men and I LOVE LOVE LOVE Logan and his story and I turn into a giddy little girl every time I see the commercials...but! I can't go...

Why you ask? Why can't I go to the awesome movie? Because I made a choice not to about 72 hours ago...And I have to stick to it. Even though I woke up with a bad dream and reverted back to my old thoughts to feel safe again, even though I played final fantasy XI just because Celeste woke up crying yesterday (even though I said I wouldn't play it ever again), even though I am still very unclear over what I should and shouldn't watch....I still can't go...

Choosing God over the very very fun distractions of the world is hard! Two months ago I would have thrown the bible out the door and ran to the movies with my sister to see Wolverine! I would have gone on a Saturday! I would have been laughing and cussing and drinking soda and talking out the side of my neck the whole way there!

These changes are so alien to me that I sometimes regret even making them. But I know that the end result will be the one I want. So i'll never know how they butcher the last two harry potter books, I will never see another non-Christan movie...I will never play final fantasy again...

and its raining outside....today is a sad day....

Song: Out of my hands by Dave Matthews Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDhdPLMa2tM

I'm Changing!! AAAHHH!!!

People say that when you mature your likes and dislikes change. I hate hate hate to admit it but its sadly true. Very sad indeed... Not that I liked all of the stuff that I used to like sooo much, but they were a big part of my life for a very long time and its just weird to see them gone at the drop of a hat. Its kinda sad actually.

And I'm starting to notice more changes, rearing their ugly head into my TV shows! Like, lately I have been trying to be a nicer person. I was raised sarcastically and so I react to most things in that nature. Sometimes it comes off mean so I have been trying to fix that. I notice recently that watching certain shows makes me react in mean ways. Like when I watch American Idol, America's next top model, McDonald's commercials, etc. I really feel like I take two steps back when I watch these shows and I act in a mean spirited way towards people that I don't even know. What really sucks is that I enjoy watching those shows....and commercials...

Hopefully God will show me what to do about this soon cause I have been struggling with getting away from certain things like movies in the Harry Potter area and X-men, Spider man, Hulk, Iron Man, and other movies that seem to be more like distractions rather than things to make you think or go to praise God. And I don't wanna become like one of those people that shuns everyone that isn't kneeling down and praising God every five minutes...like someone I know... But man is it hard to just sever all ties with things that you grew up with...oh boy...

Song : I'm So Sick by Flyleaf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCon0QojjYA

I HEARD THEM!!

You know how you always see on TV, when someone is about to do something bad and they have a little devil and a little angel on their shoulders telling him what to do? I heard mine today!!!

I had gotten up like I normally do, went down stairs and to my surprise my mom was up so I kinda felt like I didn't wanna do my morning workout with her in the room. So I went in the kitchen and got my grapefruit all ready for me to eat it. Then I sat down and my mom was shutting down the Sims and was leaving the room. So I sat there and cut a little piece of my grapefruit open and was about to put it in my mouth when I heard this little conversation in my head.

Angel : You should just put that down and do your work out like you said you were going to

Devil : No, your whole day is thrown off cause your mom wasn't sleeping, just eat and watch Ben 10

Angel: You can just as easily put down the food and just do your work out, its only fifteen minutes

Devil : You already have the grapefruit slice on the spoon, just eat it. It will taste weird if you just let it sit.

Angel : Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Devil : Just eat it!

So I put the grapefruit down in front of the computer and I worked out. Which was a big deal to me cause I felt a lot of turmoil while I was sitting with the grapefruit slice on my spoon, inches from being eaten. I'm glad I worked out though. I feel much better. ^_^

Song : ScatCat by Yoko Kanno

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNUbCKq3bWI

Well Hello Hello

I'm back! After my wonderfully long week fast from my Internet obsession I am back! And woot did a lot happen when you don't spend your days at the computer. Man, do some people know how to spend a day outside of the house! I never knew that people got together so often! And to praise God! Its a beautiful thing.

The fast from the Internet was a success I think. I did it so that I could have some time to just think. Cause when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is turn on the computer and get some breakfast so I can sit at the computer and check my vitals. It wasn't healthy. But you know, yesterday when it ended and I went to snootysims.com to see some updates about the Sims3, I really didn't care that there were five new movies. I just said that I would watch them later when I felt like it. It was strange, not caring about something that I would usually run down the stairs every morning to see.

At least I had some time to think and I haven't made many decisions but I have discovered a few new questions. -sigh- Making choices is hard! But on a good note! I have, I think, gotten a closer relationship with God. Even though I didn't crack open the bible once the whole week, I did spend a lot of time talking with God, discussing different things, people, and events that have happened and that I want to happen. I prayed sooooooooo much for a job! I need a job! Pray for me that I get a job! Not only for Japanese lessons but to pay the rent too! That's right I said Japanese lessons! I FOUND A TEACHER!!!! WHOOOT! He is so nice and I really think that he is my ticket to learning Japanese! Unless God says other wise...then I'm screwed...but in Psalm 37 : 4 it says "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." TEE HEE!! I know a verse! But yeah, I think about that and I remember that God doesn't give me these desires and then leaves them to just fade away. So....yay! ^_^

Song : Everything's Alright from Jesus Christ Superstar

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkje4FiH9Qc

Oh boy...

The mind is a strange and mysterious thing...I hate it...

I was so happy tonight, I was laughing and having fun with my friends! I was at bible study and I was enjoying myself, talking to people and being more outgoing than I am physically use to. All and all it was a good night! Gave me some time to think, get some tips on my future and my present. Give me a good feeling while I was leaving too.

The moment I got home my heart sank. I was filled with thoughts of how I am stuck in one place, how I am not moving forward as I wanted to. I want to go to college darn it!! I wanna go now! I know that I can't even move towards going to college yet because I am living here! I am here basically to keep to rent lower, mama says thats not true but it would be an annoying process if she were to watch Celeste and I was to just jump off to college on the berrien bus(which, I don't even think, goes out that far).

See, I watch my landlords daughter so that they don't have to send her to a daycare. Which is all fine and good, I love her and I love that family so much, I would do anything for them! Because I watch her, the rent is lower. But I know... until September when we have to move out, I won't be able to start college cause the days in which I watch Celeste are so irregular and they are from 1pm to 6pm every time.

Anyway, its just the wait till September that is really killing me! I hate waiting....hate hate hate it. But all shall be well! Happiness is just around the corner. Just 119 days till something great happens! Or doesn't happen...if it doesn't happen then there is spirit crushing sadness...and on a sooner note, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow! YAY!....at least I hope.... ^_^ we shall see!

Song: Jai ho by Pussycat Dolls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxeCG9XJ5t0