So, long story short, I had a relationship(my first ever). It was strange and confusing and great and new and horrifying but it was a relationship none the less. Like all relationships that don't end in marriage, it had a break up. This one was rather abrupt and unsettling and it took me some time to get over it(*cough* 9 months *cough*). Since then I've been plagued with the longing for that closeness to another once again. Sighing at the sight of a man who looks to be around my age at every turn, hoping that he might be the next big adventure. Its driven me slightly mad, but only slightly. I certainly have become more outgoing. Even started experimenting with make up.
Today I had a wonderful time at a friends birthday party and of course, since it was a card/board game/fantasy play party, I was the only girl. Each guy became a prospect until I found out if they were married or not. One guy really caught my eye and I was laughing up a storm with him. While I was waiting to get in the car for him to drive me home I thought for a second. Have I become one of those girls, that girl, that hunts for men. Dreaming of her wedding and the first kiss(not in that order). I use to laugh at girls that jumped from one relationship to the next. Girls who couldn't stand being single. I mean, I'm not crying myself to sleep(anymore) just cause I don't have a man beside me. But that longing is stronger that it has ever been before. I don't like it, it feels like a weakness, like I lost an ability. Sure, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to be important to someone or to have someone show interest in me on a personal level...romantic level. But now...Now I do a scan of all the men in the room that look to be around my age and fixate on them the entire time.
Feels like I'm becoming something else...Something that I don't recognize in me.
Now I could go into a whole spew about the previous relationship...and all the crap that is tied to that but I won't because I'm done with fussing about that. Yes I do have to see said human's car every other day for hours at a time but its fine. It no longer drives me as crazy as it use to. Everything is fine. This whole hunter lover thing though, that's gotta go. Or I need to catch my prey....one of the two.
Song: Love again by Pentatonix
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F80FsZDTgn0
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