Stupid Me...

I am being so stupid right now. I am turtoring myself by reading these sappy girlly girl shoujo mangas and I am listening to songs like all by myself and baby boy. I don't act like this. Maybe it could be connected to my lady time right now (my user friendly term for that terrible lady time of the month). Or it could just be from me be tired of this crap...I read this stuff and I listen to these songs and I look at the people around me and I really can't grasp what it is they are feeling or what compels them to be with another person like they do.

I'm the type of girl that has a hard enough time keeping herself happy, how would I go about making another person happy if I were to be with someone. I think I would run my self ragged just trying to make sure everything is fine and that we aren't on the brink of breaking up because of some minimal thing. You can't read another person's mind so how would you know if you are in a real relationship or if you are being played with. I don't have that type of confidence in others to go that far. To open up that way and allow someone in. That is so dangerous.

I guess they had it right on that movie Funny Girl. People who need people are the luckiest people. People like that will know things that I might never understand. Now that I look back at my days in high school, I was not only stupid but it was just curel to myself how I blocked everyone out. How I simply outcast myself. I'm sure I had good intentions, sticking to school and not worrying about boys and such. But I have a feeling deep down that I missed so much. Or m aybe that is just how society tries to make you feel.

These feelings are so not like me! >_<>...I don't need it. But lately I find myself craving it. Simple hugs from the kids at the daycare bring tears to my eyes and I am not the type to cry. Its so stupid! I only get one life, why live it for someone else! Is that selfish? To want to live the only life I have for myself.

Its pathetic for me to think like this now. I'm pretty damn sure that not every one has been matched up with someone at some time in their life by the time they are twenty. I can't be the only one socially ignorant. Not everyone needs such things right? Some choose education and a future without the opposite sex. Such a skinship...isn't needed.