Blame Game

My expectations never align with reality. I'm sure that's a pretty common issue...

In a family when something goes wrong, the first step is to find out the source and right the wrong. In other words, point the finger and tell them to fix themselves or remove themselves from the equation. I'm pretty sure it's cause of the anxiety, but when something goes wrong in my family I always blame myself.

Now this is no pity party, just an observation. In the most recent explosion in my household, things could have been better if I had simply grown up and spent my money more effectively and didn't allow myself to be the baby in the family. Basically, if I had simply been more independent, everyone would have been happier.

I'll be twenty-five soon and I don't know how to do anything, it's really pathetic. I am in no way ready for any semblance of the real world at all. Worst of all I don't want things to change. I'm comfortable in my dependency. Having everything handed to me. But it has to stop...because it is effecting others and that's not okay. I don't know how I'll do it or if it will be done right, knowing me it won't, but it needs to be done. I need to grow up.

Song: Lives by modest mouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcpd2ojWS8U