I Can Has A Want Now? (LOL cat talk)

Even in high school, I never really wanted or "loved" anyone. I don't think it is possible to be in "love" while you are in high school. Its such a time of weakness that any girl would fall for kind words, but I don't believe its "love". Sure I had a crush or two here and there and I would laugh with friends about it, giggle when said crush was around but I never acted on my feelings. Don't know how to, didn't care to find out. I never thought anything would come from it that would be productive.

I had one long crush on this guy, went on for about three and a half years. It was kinda sad. Never acted on it, but I was a sad puppy for the guy. I even had his number for a while, every once and a while I would mention to my mom how much I missed him but she didn't wanna hear it because I never bothered to call him. All that was good and fine back then. But now that my primary time is spent with females, I haven't had a crush in about two years which is totally fine...until recently...

There is a guy that I like now that I shouldn't like. I hate the very fact that I like him. I've had feelings recently that I have never had before. It pisses me off really. When ever I used to think about kissing, I would never ever in a million years picture myself being the one kissing but such a thought has dared to appear in my head. My quickest reaction was to slap myself!

I guess its a good thing I don't know how to act on my feelings, and the experience on hiding how I feel isn't too bad either. But it just sucks that the things that are great about him just keep piling up. Whats worse is that I can't tell anyone about it. I don't even know how to forget about someone that I see so often.

But!! I shall come out on top!! I will not be a slave to my feelings! I have been friends with guys before and I shall do it again. Just as soon as I remember how to do so. Besides, what would I do if I actually did have him. It would turn out bad for everyone around me and I wouldn't know what to do with him...Some feelings...some are just meant to be pushes aside. I just wish that he didn't create such new and interesting ones.