To get to the point, instead of dancing around like I like to do, I think I might be having anxiety attacks here and there throughout my days. Moments when the doubt and the fear gets at me so heavy that I just want to cry and run away from it all. I took a harder look at it today as I was making dinner. Well, I tried to make dinner, went down to the kitchen and looked about and I couldn't make a choice. Had to call my mother down stairs to help make a choice for me cause I was afraid that I would disappoint everyone with a dinner that wouldn't taste good. Then I was making the food that we finally decided on (spaghetti and mixed vegetables and salad and brownies for Mandy's birthday) I couldn't stop shaking the whole time I was cooking. Everything that I did, I doubted each step. When I put something in I would automatically think it was wrong or that it wouldn't taste good. Even after it was all fixed I still found each little strange taste to worry about.
It had happened again when I was driving earlier today. I know I'm new to driving and I'm still trying to get the hang of it (which is ridiculous for a almost twenty-five year old(but I don't have to remind myself of that because everyone else does it for me(wasn't planning on forgetting anyway...))), but I still get super self conscious of it all when I'm behind the wheel. I'm worried about the guy behind me, in front of me, next to me, and the people in the car with me. Mel said I was doing just fine, that I just need more practice on the road with other cars. Mel hates it when I get like this. When I doubt my self or get all depressed. Whatever...can't just will it away.
Its always something with me. If there were nothing...I'd complain. Such a silly Desiloo.
Song: Sympathy by Goo Goo Dolls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooygo1cmtag
He knows I hate it when he puts one arm out...
he does it anyway....
jerk kitty.....
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
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2 helpful comments:
Sweet, amazing Desiree. It's not nothing if it's something to you. And it's something to God, even if it IS just an ant. No matter how small you think it is, pray. It's legitimate.
I think I know a bit of what you're going through. My panic attacks are different, as they don't seem to be linked to anything at all stress related. Oh, I worry, and I have things to stress about. It just seems like some other time when all my adrenaline gets dumped, my heart races, and I think I'm dying.
I have strange allergic reactions, rashes, skin conditions, tummy troubles. I recently suffered from Belle's Palsy, and it left my right ear damaged. I'm obsessive compulsive about a plethora of things that make daily life difficult. I have ridiculously low self esteem that I attribute to being sexually abused for years as a kid. I'm a mess. But I'm me. And things DO get better.
Satan is NOT going to give us a break, if he can help it. Almost everyday I say, "Satan, I rebuke thee in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord!," and I try to go on about my business. It helps.
I hope knowing that you're not alone helps. What you feel is real, and you can deal with it. Thank you for sharing it on your blog, so I can feel like we're tormented together. :) Misery loves company, you know. And, you know, this way I can pray.
I love you lady! You're so right, this is all in God's hands and Satan is not going to let up. Not that he has to be sitting around baby sitting us. We are pretty good at putting ourselves down enough without his help. With my daddy issues, abandonment issues, and momentarily crippling doubt and fear its pretty easy to stay in the dumps and I do enjoy company ^_^.
Oh my glob, have you seen the movie 'wreck it Ralph'? It has changed my life kinda. I cry every time I see it. darn you Disney... Anyhoo, its great, watch it. It just helped to remind me that I have to love myself where I'm at right now and remember that any changes that happen in my life are a gift from God and I am incapable of changing myself. Stripes Spots and Ethiopian skin and all that.
I'm glad my ramblings are an open door to others so they know they aren't alone.
You're five suns colliding, twenty pound jar of nutella, free art supplies, meowing kittens, endless yarn style awesome, like, wow and I miss you.
Okay, must go try to make tiny pizzas...this'll be interesting.
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