Lately...

Over the last few days, I have been feeling this type of emptiness that I hadn't known before. Maybe it had always been there but I never really paid any attention to it or maybe I was distracted by school and work. But lately since I have been out of school and I'm not currently working, there has just been this unsetteling emptiness about me...

I know it sounds really emo and I hate that but this is my blog and I'm gonna be a whiney kid today...

I've always been one to just sit and think for a while and that might just be the problem...I always end up thinking too much and then I end up scaring myself. But lately, I have been thinking and there is really nothing to think about. All my wants build up to me not really needing or even wanting them in the first place. My needs are supplied to and I have a place to sleep at night.

Maybe I'm just bored...maybe I need something new in my life. Or maybe I have just reached the point where I will be going through the motions for the rest of my life. Living out my part. But to say that is just sad, I'm only 20 and I have barely even started my life really.

All this waiting to start my life is killing me then!! When will it start! I have to wait another year to go to college. All I have to do now is apply for scholarships and grants and then wait some more. Gad dam waiting is gonna drive me up the walls...I hate feeling so...feeling so helpless. Thats the feeling. Helpless, like there is nothing right now that I can do in my life to keep it moving forward. Damn I hate feelig like this! These are the feelings that those little women felt in those fairy tales my mother never let me read. Like that snow white hoe, relying on a man to bring her back to life and to save her at every turn. Being so damn helpless. I never want those feelings and here I am stuck.

Well damn it I won't be waiting for someone to save me!

Stupid head...