Lost & Found

So...today I came home from watching dancing after a long day of watching children and my cat was missing. There are lots of peoples in my house right now so I wasn't too surprised at the notion of one of them opening the door and forgetting to close it and Miko getting out. Once I looked in ALL of Miko's hiding places I kinda just sat down and continued to wrap my hair to go to bed, I just didn't really care.

Mel then encouraged me to go out and find him so I walked around the house shaking his bag of food, calling his name, and looking in dark places with all the enthusiasm of drugged sloth. I just couldn't find it in me to want to find this cat. I concluded that he was gone to go live his life and now I can go live mine and we have parted ways. He was done with my crap and I was CERTAINLY done with his!

I came back inside after another round about the house and went back to wrapping my hair, my oldest nephew came in and told me that my cat was behind the couch the whole time (a place he has recently adopted to escape the children, also a place my youngest niece had checked before I went searching). Mike went trotting into my room and laid on my bed just to mock me with his presence. Then he left again and I was left to think about how this made me feel. 

This is not the first time recently that losing something or something that I love has become something that I simply don't care for anymore. I have lost the passion for certain things in my life that used to bring me great joy. Just as I was typing that I thought maybe I have become more guarded, closing myself off to certain things so I don't feel let down or disappointed or severely hurt after things or people go away or fail me in some way. I guess I have been feeling that way for a while now, closed off to a lot of stuff in my life. Trying not to hurt anymore. 

Its like I just don't have a single cuss to give anymore. 

Song: Every single night by Fiona Apple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzoQolIDlTw