That title. That is how I feel right now. I am being taken care of and I am growing but my roots don't know whether to go up or down and I'm growing all funny.
Growing up as the youngest I was always able to see what my brother and sister were doing that was wrong and I always promised myself that I would never ever do said things. Recently I find myself in my sisters shoes from about four years ago. When my sister wanted to move out and get her own place. I love my mom and my sister but I can't live like this anymore!
Not only do the boxes everywhere make it hard to breathe but I don't even have my own room. When my sister is away at college I still have that eye sore of a queen size bed in the sleeping quarters and I just feel like there is nothing of my own in this house. Except for my knitting. No body but me touches that in this house.
I just keep daydreaming about an apartment of my own with me and my lap top and a bean bag chair. Just listening to my Helen Jane Long station on Pandora radio while I knit. Peace and quiet that I rarely have anymore. I hate to feel like that cause it makes me feel like I don't wanna be around my family anymore and I do, just not when they are arguing or eating or breathing my air.
While trying to get strong roots in God it is hard when you keep getting distracted by everything around you that you want to happen or that you need to happen. On one side I got a call from Hardings today and they want to interview me for a job. On the other side we are about $800 behind on the rent. Then there is those Japanese lessons I really wanna take. And there is the laptop I wanna get but might not get because people at assisted living don't know which gardens are theirs and which aren't (long story). Then at home I share space with two other woman who live on separate ends of the lifestyle world and our daily routines keep clashing.
I guess this is what I kept praying for...I kept praying to God about how I wanted stuff to happen. How peaceful the waters have been and how I want to get started on my life. Well now stuff is happening and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like such a child...
Well....I am still growing and my family and I shall pull through this. I'm sure they are still growing with me.
Song: Asleep Beneath the Moon (part two) by John Fluker
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1 helpful comments:
well spoken my dear. Everything your feeling is completely understandable. Hang-in there and don't be afraid to create your own space - and just keep on growing. Blessings on the Harding's Thing!
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