God, help your people

The salvation army is a strange, glorious, sad place. Yesterday I went there with my mother and a friend of hers from the independent living place. I believe her name was Sharal. Sharal has been through some stuff in her life, quite a bit of stuff, and is no stranger to the salvation army and its help. Mama has also been a friend of the salvation army and I remember gifts on many a Christmas gifts from them.

But on that day going there and sitting in the lobby facing the room of thirty some people whilst I knit as the people of the room's personal TV I pondered over a few things. Why was that guy using my church as a pick up line? Why has that lady left her child in the back of the room while she is in the front? What is that lady saying in Spanish while she is pointing at my knitting? Why do I keep smiling?!

All the day while we were there at the soup kitchen and the salvation army building I was trailing behind Sharal who is in a wheel chair (for reasons too numerous to list but she can walk a little) carrying her oxygen tank and I wasn't bitter about it. Usually I would have whined all day but no, I just felt good and I couldn't stop smiling and waving at people and being kind. Now this was a somewhat different story today while I was at my interpersonal communications class but that is another blog.

I think I was just really grateful for a chance to witness hardships worse than my own and to be able to help someone out with a pleasant heart (full of sodium from the soup at the soup kitchen (good though)). Right now I just hope that God thelps those people there who seemed just lost and angry at the situation, lashing out at anyone who didn't hand the solution to them.

Song: Familiar Ground by The Cinematic Orchestra

Okay, so yeah...

I've gone back, not that I announced that I left. But let it be known that I had left and now I am back. I wasn't even trying to stop myself from sinning these last few weeks and last night I just raised my hands up and said " God, take me back, I am tired of this." And I almost instanly felt better. I walked out to my mom's car and brought some food in the house and I asked myself, why did I ever try to leave God's side? This freeing feeling, why would I ever want to be without it?

Usually this is the place where I would put: We'll see how long it last this time. But no, I really don't feel that way this time. I just feel like this is natural. I don't wanna be any other way. I'm tired of going back and forth and I just want to stay in the light and not endure the darkness. I'm finding myself nodding while I think that it feels right. And this is not a reassurance to myself. Its just a nice truth that my sinful nature of the past is not use to.

This is not to say that sins will not be included in my future. Hopefully they will be miner in size and not as drastic as the sins I am involved in now. Anyhoo, pray for me and tell me how you stay sane in today's world. ^_^

Song: To build a home by The Cinematic Orchestra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjjc59FgUpg

Dance like no one is watching, while people are watching

I had a bit of a crazy week if you read the previous post. It isn't even over yet which is the best part. I look forward to the rest of it. Monday I just about lost my mind, drinking some monster drinking and putting on a performance that my mom probably won't even forget. Maybe I should start from the beginning. Mama had asked me to do the dishes since I hadn't done them on Sunday. So I listened to music like I always do when I do the dishes, and also as a routine with my dish washing I sing. Loudly. But on key!

Recently it has been like I rediscovered the awesomeness of Aerosmith and I haven't been able to get enough of them! So whilst washing the dishes I gave a beautiful concert of Aerosmith's cds Nine lives and Just push play. My songs of choice were Fly away from here and hole in my soul and Jaded. Mama made a crucial mistake by giving me the broom to sweep the kitchen. I used it as a mic and I rocked out the kitchen. My body is still sore from all the dancing I did. Not the regular booty shaking (all though I didn't leave that out), I danced around that kitchen every second with high kicks and finger pointing. Dramatic dips and overly expressive faces.

I can tell you that I was terribly hopped up on the blue monster drink which is actually brown. Just got three more tonight. Planning a big concert for tomorrow. Tickets are 50 dollars each. 25 for friends. But seriously, most I have ever entertained myself in along while.

Song: Kiss your past goodbye by Aerosmith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7jdFPvKUx8

"I like me some him"

Thats just...terrible grammar...I almost couldn't stand to type it. Its from this terrible song by Tony Braxton. Anyway it has nothing to do with this blog. But it is, however, how one of the girls in my interpersonal communications class talks. Maybe she is from benton harbor, they tend to have that broken grammar for absolutely no reason. Speaking of interpersonal communications, something glorious happened today, then something terrible, then something wonderful, then something mediocre, then nothing.

Lets start with the something wonderful, from the beginning of my adventures with college I have hated interpersonal communications. Not because the subject is stupid but because I couldn't stand my class mates. I got to the point where I couldn't stand to sit in the class unless I had my headphones on and I was listening to more than likely, angry music. Which proved to only fuel my anger. But yesterday I prayed about it and I told God that I was the only one troubled in this relationship. Those girls went home every night and slept well and I needed to end this lone suffering so I asked him to give me the opportunity to stop hating them. So at the end of my interpersonal communications class I turned around to the three of them and I told them I was sorry for harboring bad will towards them and that I want to put it behind me. I actually feel better! They were totally confused but they said that its all cool as long as its behind me. I hope that I can talk to them on Friday and hopefully they will ask why it was that I was harboring such feelings towards them and then I can tell them how I hated to hear them tease that poor troll looking lady in the class who is merely overly opinionated and is starving for attention. I can't stand to hear them swearing and I don't know what to do about their constant need to talk about how they go out drinking and doing drugs. I can't change them and that is not my goal. My goal is to let them know that it offends me to hear them say such things, teasing this girl is morally wrong, and that they are so much more than they probably give themselves credit for...

Anywhoo... after that I went to joanns and got a lot of wool and some double pointed needles which I plan on learning how to use. Then I went home and stared at the computer for far too long. Then I went to my intro to design class and I learned that I will have to take sixteen credits of classes in winter. I don't even know where to begin with that. One of those classes is gonna have to be approved by the Dean of education because I will have to take the prerequisite while I am taking the class. Curse my evil math 098 class...that class has not only set me back but has made me waste a whole class. Curse the name of typography!!!! Such a class shouldn't effect every class I will take after the winter semester but it shall...I am gonna be so busy this winter....God protect me from depression...

Oh yeah!!! THEN!! I believe that because I prayed to God about talking to those girls he made it so that I couldn't back out and he broke my mp3 player...its dead now...I almost cried. Today I bought a new one cause my refund came back from the school. I am really happy about that. The rent is payed, we have some food in the kitchen, and I was able to pay to get some gas in the car. ^_^ happy day!

Song: Fix you by Coldplay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skUJ-B6oVDQ

Well...

Yeah...

I think I'm just hungry...I'm just so mad and sad and tired and hungry. I need the sun. Darn it, do you know how hard it is not to put "I" in a sentence when you are talking about yourself?! Taking to the real world isn't proving to be an easy task. Sadly, its becoming more and more apparent to me that humans with opposing ideology are not one of my favorite things. I need to eat something but we have nothing. No more bread, salad, spaghetti...looks like rice and beans...good thing is that I've dropped off a few pounds.
Man, I am just so mad that I could swear!!! I'm lonely and conflicted, I need to eat something...

french toast...fuu...

Song: Tear by Red hot chilli peppers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDydQsnS5Gg

私を神助けなさい