Angels among us

I had a very interesting day today. It was scary at first and I spent a large part of it doubting my words and feeling very nervous but all that went away towards the end. Which is a real shame because I'm sure there would have been more to laugh about if I had just gone in head first with a calm demeanor.

For the first time in a long time I went out with a friend just to eat and get some yarn, since I just started knitting lately and this friend is teaching me ^w^. I was happy to go get yarn with her but going with her other two friends was what scared me. I have a fear of pregnant people for various reasons and one of them is pregnant and I'm sure the other one is just one step away from getting pregnant as well.

Anyhoo, my nervousness really had no grounds. These were some of the kindest people I have ever met. And they are funny without swearing or using gutter comedy or any of the other things that I do with my sister and mother. They seem really down to earth and they have a, what seems to be, natural love for God (something I sometimes lack and admire in others). I very rarely meet people like them. They are happy with little things like gummy worms and lace for booties that they knit for their cousins. I was filled with so much joy just being able to buy some yarn with them, being able to make them laugh, talking with them for more than one minute.

Sometimes when I am around people like them I feel like I am acting fake because I am not as pure at heart as they seem to be. And I know that they aren't 'pure' because they are married for goodness sake and one of them is pregnant and unless she is like me and would want artificial insemination rather than doing whoo hoo she knows a few things that the angels in heaven will never know. But they are a pure in the sense that they seem to be more indulged in the happy things in life rather than the....things I hold on to...

It was also a very different experience because they were all married and I had never been around so many married people at the same time. I tend to stay home a lot...But when I listen to them talk about their husbands and their lives at home I wonder how they ever live without their husband being by their side all the time. I know its not good to be clingy but they way they explain things it seems like having a husband means having someone in your life who is a really big part of your life. It kind scares me...to think that another human would have such a big influence in my life...someone other than God that is...

Anyway, I was just happy to be around them and I am glad that I can be around them more on mondays for knitting group. I'm so glad that I am learning to knit. It really has calmed me down and it has made me friends with a really great person.

Song of the day!

(something new I'm gonna do from now on)

Angels Would Fall by Melissa Etheridge